Why I Have Yet to Give Up Nursing my Toddler..

Disclaimer: If you’re not a fan of breastfeeding toddlers, you should probably just stop reading now. This post, and probably this blog aren't for you. Bye Felicia 👋🏻

Despite the movement to #normalizebreastfeeding, nursing is still a pretty taboo topic. Especially when it comes to nursing a toddler. I'm a huge advocate of breastfeeding, but I hate the stigma it carries; the judgement, and the guilt moms face for nursing past one. I'm hoping by sharing my story, it will help another mom feel less guilty about the choices they are making for their child.

The World Health Organization and UNICEF have recommended for a decade that mothers breastfeed for at least two years. But most US women who nurse stop before their baby is six months old – and many never start at all. (source: KellyMom: Breastfeeding: the Numbers)

Before I can tell you where we are now, I need to tell you how we got here. I had always planned on breastfeeding. During my pregnancy, I read books, watched online videos, and took classes (both online and in-person) to try and learn as much as I could before baby Henry got here. I was nervous, but excited to do what so many other mothers had done before me. My goal was six months.

I remember going to my 37-week appointment, knowing I was already having issues with my blood pressure. I had a growth scan 30 minutes before my OB appointment. During the scan they discovered Henry was tiny... the tech estimated he was 5 pounds, 10 ounces. He was measuring around 35/36 weeks. My mom and I were shocked as we sat in the waiting room waiting to see my OB. I knew in my heart I was going to be induced and having this baby SOON! The doctor confirmed my suspicions. She said he is no longer growing inside of me, and we would need to induce. (Looking back, I think she knew this all along. Several weeks prior I received two painful steroid shots in my hips to help ensure his lungs would develop in case of an early delivery.)

I'll save the full delivery experience for another post, but in the end, I ended up having a failed induction and an emergency c-section. On March 27, 2018, I delivered a healthy, but tiny baby boy, weighing in at, you guessed it, 5 pounds, 10 ounces.

Welcome to the World, Henry Wade!

I worried with having a c-section that breastfeeding would be difficult. Would my milk come in? How does it work with an "unnatural" delivery. In the recovery room, the nurse helped me latch him. I felt like it was working, but how do you know!?

Later the lactation consultant stopped by. It had been the same lady who had taught the breastfeeding class. She was so nice and made the whole uncomfortable experience less awkward. She reminded me of different latching positions, ones that would help a full-breasted woman recovering from a c-section nurse a TINY baby.

Henry had a low Apgar score, and was jaundice, so they wanted to keep him in the NICU. The nurse told me we would have to supplement. I bawled hysterically. This was going to RUIN our breastfeeding journey!!!! I cried some more.

Fortunately a different nurse came in and when she asked about supplementing, I started crying. She said I can supplement with my pumped milk. It doesn't have to be formula. WHAT?! Why didn't the first nurse say that!????! So the lactation consultant came back, and helped me figure out the hospital-grade pump. I would wake up every couple of hours, pump, then they would wheel in my little tiny baby, I'd nurse, and then Drew would feed my pumped milk with a syringe. The nurses also used my pumped milk to feed him in the NICU when necessary.

Nursing was not easy. It HURT. The overnight nurses provided me with Medela Soothing Hydrogel Pads to help with the discomfort. These things were a Godsend, and now it's something I make sure to gift all new nursing mamas to share the wealth. I will never forget one nurse who literally sat in my room for hours (it was like 3 a.m.) and helped me make sure he was latched and was nursing properly. We just talked, and talked and she brought so much comfort during what felt like my darkest hour. I wish I could remember her name, but I will never forget how she made me feel. If I ever run into her again in another delivery, I will share with her my gratitude.

While the hydrogel pads helped, I was still cracked and bleeding. The LC wrote me a prescription for some medicated nipple cream, and recommended a nipple shield. A nipple shield is a flexible silicone nipple that is worn over the mom’s nipple during a feeding. This helped a lot, but there are some disadvantages to using a shield.

According to KellyMom.com, disadvantages include:

• Baby may get less milk if the shield is used incorrectly

• Mom may be more at risk for plugged ducts or mastitis (if the shield causes reduced milk transfer)

• It can be difficult to wean from the shield

I would also add that it is in a pain in the butt. Trying to place the shield while having a screaming baby is hard, especially when it's two in the morning and you haven't slept in what feels like forever. They are also easy to misplace. Think of them as extremely large contact lenses. I carried around a little carrying case, but if you forget it put it in there, they are hard to locate. I had two or three on hand at all times, just in case.

During all of this time, I was still having issues with my blood pressure (preeclampsia). My OBGYN didn't think it was an issue, but I ended up in the ER with a BP over 200 and the worst headache of my life. Umm what!? After multiple tests, an MRI, and even a spinal tap, they admitted me for the night for observation. My first night away from my breastfeeding baby. I also had to pump and dump because of the meds they gave me. We survived and my blood pressure eventually regulated after several months on medication.

We were able to wean from the shield after a few months. However our next obstacle was slow weight gain. Our pediatrician recommended formula. Why is it that formula is the automatic problem solver? Why couldn't she recommend I see a lactation consultant to do some weighed feedings? All things I know I should have asked more about. Instead she sent me home with a bag full of sample formulas, and a broken heart. Had I failed my child?

We did end up trying the formula, and he wasn't a huge fan. But he did gain weight. I continued to nurse first, then offer the formula. I also upped my pumping game. Remember in the hospital the nurse said I could supplement with my breast milk. So that's what I did.

Did I also mention during all of this postpartum craziness, I was also having gallbladder issues!? Another trip to the hospital to get that removed. In hindsight I should have waited. It wasn't an emergency, it was elective. I was still recovering from my c-section surgery. Because I was breastfeeding, I elected not to take the pain meds, but rather just OTC pain relievers. The recovery was awful.

Six months came and our nursing game was strong. We had overcome so much, so why stop now? We celebrated with a milk bath.

Then we made it one entire year. Beyond my wildest dreams. But things were still going great, and I could tell neither of us were ready to wean. So we kept going...

And going....

18 months came and went...I never pictured myself nursing past one year. Nursing a toddler comes with a whole new set of obstacles: the toddler gymnast, teething, the pressure to quit before you're ready, and the overall stigma of nursing a toddler.

At 19 months, I was starting to come to terms with the thought of weaning. Or at least weaning from the pump. I had my last pump session at 19 months and two weeks. Around this time I had an annual checkup with my primary doctor. She is a huge advocate for breastfeeding and breastfed her children way past two. I discussed with her the pressure I was feeling (from family, our pediatrician, society) to quit. She highly recommended I nurse until he was two, or at least to get through flu season. With her support, we continued on.

Last Pump Session - November 11, 2019

Henry's second birthday was coming up; I was mentally preparing to start weaning. I had the opportunity to travel to Omaha for a long weekend and thought this would be the perfect time. I bought cabbage leaves and sudafed, preparing for the big wean. And then we started hearing about this new virus coming from China, COVID-19. My trip got canceled. The world shut down. Henry's second birthday came and went.

I couldn't stop nursing during a global pandemic. Especially since there was no chance for me to leave him when we were working from home, encouraged not to leave the house. Also, I know that whatever antibodies I have, he is getting too. That was a comforting feeling.

Nowadays Henry continues to lose interest in mama's milk. I know at some point he will wean himself completely. For now, I'm not forcing anything. I don't offer if he's not asking, but I don't refuse if he does. And why would I? Nursing a toddler means less fuss at nap time. A quick nursing session lulls him to sleep and he's out for two hours. Another nursing session right before bed and he's out. Why would I give that up!?

Contact nap <3

I know our breastfeeding journey end is coming. Each time I wonder, will this be our last? I've come to terms with it, and I'm okay with it. I know I have provided so much for him and no one can ever take that away from us. We've overcome so much and I'm so proud.

As I mentioned earlier, I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding. And I feel one of the most important things a woman can have during breastfeeding is support. So if you ever need an advocate, a shoulder to cry on, or have a question to ask, I am here. I don't ever want anyone to feel the shame and guilt others have because of what we choose to do for our children.

Whether you breastfeed for one week, six months or four years, I am here and I am cheering for you.

XOXO

Lauren

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#normalizebreastfeeding #contactnapping #pumpingmama #toddlernursing #pandemic2020